LOttery - 2016
07/01/2016
With the January Blues kicking in almost immediately what better way to get rid of them than by scooping the dangling carrot which is a
Lotto rollover.
I had some bad luck recently so hopefully karma will swing the other way now and reward us. Having said that, I found a pound coin on the way back from the shop so that may have already happened…….(anyone else feel like a pikey picking up pound coins?)
13/01/2016
You know how some girls say they are having a ‘fat’ day, well this morning I was having an ‘invisible’ day whereby fellow commuters
decided I wasn’t there and were going to go through me. No one actually said anything, probably as I was invisible at the time.
This was on top of ‘bad breath’ day earlier in the week where some chap in the vicinity had clearly eaten something a while ago and was keeping it safely lodged between his teeth in case he got peckish later on.
What we actually need is ‘rich’ day whereby we get a sudden and very large load of cash each. Make it so by supplying 2 pounds when I pop by.
27/01/2016
In a recent survey on romance in the Daily Mail (must be true) one stat that stuck out was 92% of men regularly ‘visit the Masterbatoreum’. Really? Think about that for a moment……8% don’t.
Just who are these 8%? Is it even possible? We all have 10 or more friends each, that means one of your mates is slightly grumpier than the others or has decided not to join the 21st Century and therefore has no internet access at all. Staggering……which neatly brings me on to the odds of us scooping this week’s lottery. The stats have to be 100% for us now, given the time we have been trying.
03/02/2016
This week I am attempting to stay on the right side of appropriateness after last week’s missive. The sheer cost of cake alone was crippling enough in staving off HR.
With that in mind I so look forward to catching up with your wallets later and furnishing Camelot with the proceeds, this is our week!
10/02/2016
This week’s missive focuses on Chavs after the debate in the office recently seems to have focused on whether deep fat fryers are a good
thing to own and caravan holidays are a good idea. Let’s face it, it’s a big no to both. Deep fat fryers feature heavily in ‘The Royle Family’
which tells you all you need to know and why anyone would want to own a caravan is beyond me. Freedom of the open road? Try driving your car with a half-ton brick-shaped extension to it, you’ll be too busy giving birth to kittens trying not to lose control at the slightest puff of wind for the entire journey. Most of the year it will sit neglected outside your front door lopping thousands off yours (and the neighbours) house valuations not to mention giving the area a whiff of council estate. The downward spiral to graffiti and canine excrement everywhere will promptly follow.
That said not all working class pastimes are chavvy.
The lottery for example. I mean I do it, so don’t feel any shame when I pop round to collect your cash. You just want a better life with a bigger house. And a deer park.
17/02/2016
No one has irritated me much this week so a short one – I’ll be round in 5 mins to collect!
24/02/2016
‘As I wandered lonely as a cloud…..’ once scribbled Wordsworth and little could he guess how his words would turn out in the 21st
Century. If my meanderings through London’s parks are anything to go by, it would be more like ‘As I wandered avoiding other b*stards gazing at their own private clouds (text, email etc on their phones) ….’, I’m surprised all the daffodils haven’t been crushed by the mindless morons not looking where they are trampling. I end up attempting to second guess which direction someone is going to go next as they veer about in screen oblivion, an impossible task given their random nature which means I don’t have any time to take in the remaining Daffs myself. Though there is a solution…..next time you see a herd of tourists coming towards you at 1 MPH switch your face to
gormless mode and glaze your eyes over. You will be seen as one of them suddenly and they will accept your presence, and gaps will miraculously appear on the pavement.
Or we can win the lottery and avoid the crowds altogether by moving to the Country.
02/03/2016
Beware the Ides of March, allegedly, for those of a superstitious nature and given we all do the lottery, that’s us. Traditionally the 15th is to be avoided as this was the date Julius Caesar was brutally back stabbed. Nothing like that would happen in the Office, I am sure.
Let’s face it, it’s all a load of mumbo jumbo nonsense, obviously. Pick any month and there are will be tragedy’s that occurred. Sadly this week it will probably manifest itself in another barren week on the Lotto. Keep your eyes peeled for black cats and ladders, I personally
will be wearing my lucky underpants until the 1st April. Just in case.
09/03/2016
Good to see that now Spring is here Winter has decided to kick in. The trains and Tube decided to also give us a bit of a kicking thus morning too which is nice. I found myself on an earlier train this morning too though the downside is I had to share my carriage for part of the way with a bunch of young snotties talking about trig. Thank the Lord I don’t have to go through all that again though I did have to breath in the funk left behind by the unwashed hormonal adolescents.
With the Vicky line a bit Donald this morning I had to take the longer route via the Piccadilly Line. There is definitely a wore class of people on this line, more facial hair for starters. I think I need a holiday as this commuting is getting to me again. Let’s win this thing this week so we can end it once and for all.
16/03/2016
Budget day this week but we won’t need to worry about that as we are about to win the lottery. With a few of us going through the unlucky door down at t’Mill, karma is bound to even things out. The average adult in this Country may only have £500 worth of savings but after the weekend we will be anything but average. Actually I have a thousand pounds saved so that means some poor person out there has nothing, er..Simon?
When the cash comes in perhaps we could even hire a fleet of super cars to go up and down Whitehall (other end to the Cenotaph obviously), pulling donuts every now and again. Can you do handbrake turns in an Arnage?
Give us your 2 quid and I’ll balance the books down at the Newsagents.
23/03/2016
With AI and robotics in the news recently as Japan leads the way in dealing with an aging population, I am struck by Man’s obsession with making them look human. I can understand having a domestic robot that is roughly my shape so it can manoeuvre through doors, handle cupboards and clean a toilet with a bog brush, but does it need to be skin coloured to do this? Or indeed have gender qualities? I think not and knowing most blokes and their attitudes to things with holes in, I’d have thought a more functional design would be far better. At least then you will view it the same as your current Dyson rather than your neighbours wife.
Meanwhile, let us take the HI (Human Intelligence) way forward for the lottery (based on superstition and sorcery rather than any semblance of intelligence) and nail this thing. Have a happy Easter.
30/03/2016
Almost forgot it was today what with the Easter Bank Holiday just gone. With just about everyone I know having a bad start to the year hopefully now Q3 is nearly over, BST has started and no more religious ceremony’s until our Dear Lord has his next birthday, perhaps things are about to get better.
Honestly given the amount of people who have died so far this year I’m surprised there is anyone left on the Planet. You couldn’t turn on the news without at least one person dying and sometimes it was 2!
You’d have thought with all this and our individual issues, buying a lottery ticket was bound to be a good idea but sadly, and somewhat surprisingly, it hasn’t gone in our favour yet. Perhaps this weekend will be when Karma fights back.
06/04/2016
I have been trying very hard to stop having a rant each week about some group of failed human beings or other, but the more I look around the more I come across. Last night while winging my way under London during rush hour some chap in his own World (sadly the same one I was on at the time) thought it would be a great idea to play with the change in his pockets. There was quite a bit of it and his
hand, snug down deep could be seen going round and round mindlessly in between stops. Ching, ching, incessantly ching went his annoying hand in his pocket. Stop after stop after stop. No amount of hard stares from those around him seemed to make any difference as he was in his own private, failed human being, bubble.
We are all doomed is the only conclusion I can come to. Let’s win the lottery so we can live it up large before the Planet finally gives up on us and kills us all.
I am off next week so will be nominating some lucky get to sort the tickets out.
20/04/2016
Thanks to Paul last week for getting the tickets in my absence, we won an extra couple of lucky dips for
this Saturday.
2016 continues to be an unlucky year for most, I even saw a headline on the BBC website asking if we had lost a lot more celebrities this year compared to other years. I think the corner is coming up even if we aren’t actually at it yet. Along with some seeds I planted out a couple of weeks ago in the garden, a few green shoots are emerging. Luck is beginning to return so hang on in there and hopefully the Grim Reaper will pop back down to Hades taking the wake of Fiscal turbulence and bad health issues with him.
Well after I’ve nabbed £2 off you lot anyway!
29/04/2016
After being half killed by Joe doing Circuit Training at lunch today, this email is a day late. No worries though as I got the tickets for the weekend already. It wasn’t helped with the torture room not being available till 1:30pm so I was on my chin straps as far as food was concerned before I even got started – a quick nose bag soon perked me up and off we went.
Should we nail this at the weekend, I think I’ll pay someone else to get fit on my behalf.
11/05/2016
There has been much said about following the crowd like sheep and how this is a bad thing. I agree, my Missus left all the garden furniture out in the rain yesterday and her excuse was ‘other people do it’. Hmmn, yes, ‘other people’ appear on Jeremy Kyle too but that doesn’t make me want to emulate them either. I enjoy eating my food with the aid of teeth for one thing.
There are times however when there is little choice – travelling to work by rail for example, you have to go where the rails take you along with everyone else. They invade your personal space too and let’s face it, not in a good way. Some beardy with a pony tail decided to try and rub himself against me this morning making me feel decidedly sick in the process.
Maybe we will look at other lotteries at some point but finding the time to research them is a bit thin on the ground. So sheep mode it is, no bleating when I collect your £2 this week from arm’s length.
FYI – we got 4 numbers last week though before anyone gets too excited that equates to £67.
18/05/2016
While recently thinking about my home town and how ignorant I was about the other side of the railway tracks, I found myself thinking how a pub crawl could help sort out the geographical knowledge of the area. In this situation the thought process quickly turns to how to get the relevant information, i.e. just how many pubs are there and where are they. The planning process these days can take just seconds thanks to Google. 30 seconds later I had a map marked up with the hostelries. In the olden days, I would have had to get hold of a fag packet from somewhere, maybe a trip to the library or even a preliminary recce on a bicycle in order to put together a decent stab at this. As it is Facebook and email have made spreading the word simple too.
Thank goodness we live in the 21st Century, now all we need to complete the feeling of instantness is to become instant millionaires. This weekend for sure…..
25/05/2016
With the wheels continuing to fall off the fiscal juggernaut the Lotto Gods seem to lob us a half smile, not only 4 numbers last week but 3 this week. Maybe the pot of gold is just around the corner after all.
Let’s hope the LG’s let rip with some sort of belly laugh soon.
01/06/2016
In the news this week was Britain’s luckiest family, they have managed to win 3 major prizes in the Lotto. However they are all in their 80’s and 90’s so maybe not so lucky after all but great for the dependants. Don’t get me wrong, I’d take a win of any kind at any time but let’s face it you want it to be sooner rather than later. I can’t think of a better bunch of people to get a win than us either, when you look at some of the past winners (or indeed the populous at large), some of them appear to have so few brain cells it’s a wonder they don’t turn blue randomly before realising they have forgotten to breath. And when they do it’s through their mouths.
Sadly wealth is not always linked to intelligence, especially when it comes to the lottery which is totally random. Let me have your cash and I’ll ensure we have enough chances to get ahead of ‘the others’.
08/06/2016
In this day and age where everything happens in an instant – communications, downloads, email and texts. You can video conference from your phone even. Not to be left out it seems Mother Nature has now decided to get in on the act. Summer now happens in 1 day. Everything starts off OK, sunny with a light Spring chill, by lunchtime we have Summer and by 2pm the late Summer storm kicks in to get soak anyone taking a late lunch.
Give it a few years and everything will just be blur and not in a good way. Let’s win the lotto this week and choose alcoholic blurs at a pace of life we can appreciate.
15/06/2016
This weather reminds me of a woman I once knew; strong, blustery and you are not sure what’s coming next. It was in a bar one night after a few drinks and, if I’m honest, she scared the life out of me coming on a bit strong. I was forced to deploy Plan A – happily married, kids etc, but this wasn’t really denting the oncoming ardour, so onto Plan B – bit tired, stressful week, wonder if I left now I’ll catch my train. Nope, oh is that a hand on my knee? OK Plan C, time to put this to bed before I end up in one.
I leant forward and whispered into her ear – “Listen, it’s a bit embarrassing really and I don’t really like to talk about it but when I was in my late teens – well …err… there was a high speed accident involving the cross bar of my bike. The Doctors did a great job, don’t get me wrong, but you know, there are things to strap on.” Lean back, look sadly into her eyes, then forwards again, “And besides my batteries are flat.” – jump up and exit stage left.
Let’s win this thing before I have to share any more of these awful stories with you.
22/06/2016
Usual story at the Euro 2016 for England then, qualify easily – tick. Make life difficult through the group stage but just about get through to the knock out stages – tick. Not go top of the group though, to make sure we meet Germany at some stage – tick. Out on penalties – hmmn, I’ll let you know. I don’t even know why we got a nil-nil draw with Slovakia the other night, I was on the lucky sofa in my lucky under pants and everything. I didn’t have a beer though and unusually didn’t have any socks on. Could be it. New catch phrases can be used in England today, when you succeed in something you can do a mini-fist pump and exclaim ‘YES! Just off the cross bar’ or ‘Get
in there! Side netting!’.
One day (just hope it’s in my lifetime) we will do things properly and win the Euro’s and maybe the big one too but for now I’ll try and enjoy where we are….Come on Wales!
Speaking of winning impossible dreams, I’ll be round later to collect.
29/06/2016
The Country has voted and it appears that Brexit has won the day. Whatever your thoughts on it, we are in a period of uncertainty, no one knows what the outcome will be, i.e. if we win the lottery this week will we still be able to retire in Spain or is Bognor Regis the only option now? Will the lotto cash be worth anything, i.e. a villa or static caravan somewhere on Norfolk’s occasionally sunny coast? Most things seem normal on the surface – DFS still have a sale on, you can still get 5 shirts for £100 at TM Lewin and the England football team are there usual disappointing load of rubbish (seriously losing to Iceland?!?!!??!).
So let’s keep calm as only time will tell if the decision was right or not, but for now the jury is out. In these topsy turvy times, maybe Corbyn will be next PM? Now that would be strange and more than a little bit scary but I’m off down the bookies just in case!
06/07/2016
In these weekly pep talks to chivvy us in the direction of untold wealth and happiness I try and focus on the positive in life. Let’s face it no one wants to hear the doom and gloom following Brexit, political turmoil, bombings and killings abroad and the other untold things we do to each other in our journey from birth to the grave as a Race. Thank God for NASA (and Wales/Hamilton in Austria at the weekend (what a race!)). NASA have a habit of saving us from ourselves, in 1968 after the USA had had a horrendous year in Vietnam and riots at home, in December NASA returned this picture which has since become iconic for showing us just what puny, insignificant bunch of cake eaters we
are, but at the same time what a wonderful oasis floating through Space that we call home, actually is.
So back to getting fabulously rich so we can appreciate its finer qualities.
13/07/2016
Following a fantastic weekend of Sport for us Brits (Murray at Wimbledon and Hamilton at Silverstone) a feeling of optimism is in the air as so far the overshadowing Brexit meltdown hasn’t visibly happened. In fact stability seems the order of the day so far, though not taking my eternal optimism into it, I accept there is plenty of time for it to all go wrong. So in keeping with our place of work, lets hedge our bets. Throw £2 away in my direction for a slim (but tangible) chance at scooping an end to all your troubles. First World problems? Bring them on.
27/07/2016
Some of you may have been aware that recently I did a camping weekend at a place with facilities that make it a bit easier to do this kind of activity. Not being too much of an expert in this sort of thing we pitched up and found our allocated patch of grass and set about building the nylon hotel which we had carted with us. Our friends had the next bit of grass and once completed we then set about getting completely bladdered which is necessary to help with a restful night’s sleep when sleeping in a field. I have to say the 2 nights spent under canvas was mostly a good laugh, except for a couple of occasions.
One was the second evening, when myself and a couple of the chaps went upto the entertainment area up at the top of the hill. A covered bar area with seating and a band playing invited us in to sample a swift pint. All OK so far until one of the band members, in between tracks, referred to us clientele as ‘happy campers and caravaners’. I instantly felt a wash of depression come over me and a feeling of failure from somewhere. Life maybe. Fortunately, this only lasted a moment as I realised the 2 chaps with me were anything but failures in life and didn’t seem too phased by the reference. Having got passed that and the second issue – the dawn chorus emanating from the various cubicles in the ablution block any time in the AM, I am actually considering going again next year.
Should we scoop the big one this week, I may even invest in a decent tent.
03/08/2016
Have you ever challenged yourself to see how many times you can say the F word whilst riding an escalator? No, me neither. Given that we use escalators quite a bit at tube, train stations and the odd shopping centre, this wouldn’t be too onerous a task. Try it and let me know how you get on.
You may be wondering what has prompted this challenge, seems a bit odd on the surface but as always there is a perfectly good explanation. I had the immense pleasure of following a fellow commuter into my local train station this morning when a chap on a folding bike came past and jumped off, just before we entered the building. Personally I didn’t see anything wrong with his actions but apparently the chap ahead took massive umbrage. The first couple of exchanges were the usual pleasant ‘getting the point across’ that pavements are for pedestrians but soon turbo’d straight to insulting each other with every other word being the F word as we rode the escalator up to the platforms. Most entertaining, if hugely unnecessary, especially as the chap who started it finished off with ‘don’t get me started!’ (I’ve missed out the F word punctuation here). I made it 14 in the space of 35 seconds.
Let’s hope we effing win the lottery this week!
24/08/2016
So back from holiday after a 2 week break and back into the frying pan at work. After worrying about pushy and rude Russians on holiday in Bulgaria which incidentally failed to materialise, first day back on the tube in London and normal squashed, grumpy pushy and rude service resumed by Londoners. Great. Never mind Ivan and Svetlana barging passed to get their towels down, I got taken out by a rather butch woman at the tube barriers second day back. I complained English style, vociferously in silence mind, especially as she had a
moustache and wouldn’t have looked out of place in the prop forward role in any rugby team. The most shocking thing about the whole thing was realising someone was actually talking to me on the Underground, a total stranger! No wonder I was rendered speechless.
Still the break was very relaxing so hopefully my chilled exterior will take some time to be worn down, at least till next week? As long as no one tries talking to me on my commute!
31/08/2016
I’m off to the Theatre tonight with the family which should be a wheeze. The only concern with going to the theatre these days is ‘other people’. Apart from having to stake your elbow claim on the shared arm rest which is enough to bring out the palpations, there is the bigger threat of meeting the number one worst group of people in the World and most likely to meet at the Theatre, namely ‘the
Guardian reader’.
These despicable people firmly believe they are righteous do-gooders who think they are saving the World by doing nothing other than reading the Guardian but in reality they are nothing of the sort. They are a bunch of irritating, self-servers who firmly believe they are better than you and the we should all be thanking them for their misguided views. This misplaced air of superiority means they are more likely to get in the way of your interval drinks, block the aisle or stab you in the back off the head with their enormous paper which,
incidentally, can’t possibly be folded over otherwise no one would be able to notice the blue topped, awful fonted, spelling mistake ridden load of irrelevant Leftie opinion. I’d rather meet a Mirror reader any day of the week, at least they will have a (slightly) more balanced view and hold a proper job. Come the revolution…….
With a bit of cash in the tin, I’ve added some voting buttons to blow £40 on scratch cards. This would be evenly split on £20 for some cheapy £1 or £2 cards and £20 on some high end £5 cards to mix it up a bit. Use the voting buttons attached to let me know if this is OK with you.
07/09/2016
This week we were promised a lovely last gasp bought of warm weather straight from the Sahara itself by the Met Office. Picturing blue skies and sandy-scapes in your head? Me too, so imagine my short lived disappointment when it all turned up as promised along with several billion tons of water in its very own carrying cases in the form of grey clouds. Marvellous. Hot, muggy and slashing it down. Lots. In a way, exactly like a British Summer so they weren’t wrong.
After last week’s success at the scratch cards (we netted £28 profit from £40 spent) we thought we’d do it again this week. Jacqui has her lucky 2p scrapper, Joe is on standby to buy them from the shop – all we need a-is a black cat to wonder past and someone to provide a ladder that we can avoid and we are all set to go.
14/09/2016
A short one this week in light of more bad news in 2016 – just not a good year for anyone as far as I can see. If there was ever a time to win the lottery and turn Lady Luck around, it is now. Before we all get cancer.
That was cheery! Pop round later to collect and will endeavour not to do my best Marvin the Robot from Hitch Hiker’s impression.
21/09/2016
I have upped my training regime from once a week to twice in the desperate hope I will get fitter and stronger. I’m coming from a long way back and have to say that with the increase I feel far worse and wonder if it’s worth it. I’m assured it is but when you peel yourself off the matt at the end of the session barely able to stand or breathe, and thanking our Lord that you did stop filling your face a couple of hours before otherwise your burpees would have had an added dimension worthy of their name.
Warming down consist of putting the mats and weights away, with extra stretching when you peel the sweaty gym top off before getting in the shower.
I’ll be round to collect later if my gluteus Maximus will allow, on my way to 10,000 steps.
28/09/2016
Last week, during a team meeting in the Office, I happened to mention in passing that over a lifetime of experimentation, practising conjugal rights DOES actually cure headaches (it was relevant at the time to the technical issue we were discussing). So when the cavemen urges come-a-calling but your other half displays a disinterested shoulder along with the time honoured excuse of ‘I have a headache’ you can exclaim the scientific proof that you have a great cure.
I was met with disbelief and comments of derision by my fellow cohorts at the time, that this was really the case, but during a BBC documentary program recently (‘The Doctor who gave up drugs’ or something similar), it was categorically stated that a good cure for a headache was exercise. YES. Get in there <mini-fist pump moment>. In a cynical World that we now find ourselves it’s not surprising that when presented with ‘facts’ by your friends and colleagues we end up cross checking it with Google to make sure we aren’t being …er… taken for a ride.
This of course is no bad thing, I am sure that this weekend we WILL win the lottery as my mate down the pub told me it’s my time. And I believe him.
12/10/2016
Good news in that my marriage is rock steady this week after reading an article on how to tell if things aren’t going well. As it happens if you are having ABC conjugals then things are pretty bad. For those wondering what that is, it’s when you and your partner only get together to jog horizontally on anniversaries, birthdays and Christmas. Personally there must be a few people struggling out there as most people are a bit grumpy a lot of the time.
If we nail the lottery this week, and I’m sure we will, we will be able to afford laughing sex – where you get it every day. On a completely separate note I’ve just completed a couple of days of DIY around the house, which whilst satisfying before Winter kicks in would be even more satisfying if someone else had been paid to do it. Let’s make this happen!
19/10/2016
Leicester boss Claudio Ranieri is a bit cross this week – on the one hand they are doing well in Europe but poorly at a domestic level. Perhaps this is the way to be with the lottery syndicate – not that we are doing well on the Euro Millions either but I’m obviously talking about strategy. Trouble is doing ‘angry’ is not my thing, ‘mildy miffed while being slightly resigned’ is more the order of the day. Let’s face it, no matter how much ginger is added to try and pep things up the odds are so bad I’m more likely to be wiped out by a meteorite on
the way to the shops than us actually win anything.
I ask you all to spend a few moments concentration – no, not on alien real estate falling from the sky in the direction of my cranium cavity– but on us winning. Crowd funded Will Power may just sway things with the ethereal powers that be, you never know.
26/10/2016
It seems a bit early in the year to begin getting fed up with Winter, especially as Autumn is just beginning. The clocks haven’t even changed yet but the chill and dampness is in the air and the scarves are coming out. Everyone can either feel the bugs marshalling themselves ready for the push or are in the process of coming down with some illness or other.
Still on the bright side only 6 months till it gets warm again and the lighter evenings return. Or is it? Let’s nail this thing so we can plan some mid-Jan Winter sun. That’ll teach the planet to tilt about on its axis!
02/11/2016
The first of the festive Winter parties are now over and I hope Halloween went well for you with not too many kids knocking in their scary clown outfits. Personally I like Halloween but this year the relentless ferrying round the kids to their clubs and the fact it was a Monday meant that this year’s celebrations were a bit of a damp squib. Still, Guy Fawkes night should hopefully make up for this. With the young Nippers still relatively young, we have found a ‘low noise’ firework display to go to. Personally I didn’t know they existed, mainly based around the fact that fireworks are designed to make a load of noise. Maybe we just stare at the empty starry sky while nothing happens, going ‘Ooh’ and ‘Ahh’ every now and again.
I’ll just have to add alcohol to ensure the adults noise levels are raised to make up for it.
09/11/2016
Who saw that coming? Not me, that’s for sure though – President Trump! The upside World continues; Corbin, Brexit, Leicester City FC and now this. At least his personal jet has Rolls Royce engines on them, well I felt a pang of pride at that anyway. Fortunately for me I hedged my bets with £5 bet on Trump to win so every cloud and all that. I can put it towards some solar panels and a Power Wall to fill the gap now that America is likely to go down the route of more coal, gas and oil. Actually, come to think of it, maybe now is the time to build an Ark. We just got 2 kittens at home this week so that’s a start already.
Good news for the satirists too, unless the era of nasty politics means they are the first against the wall. So what have we learnt I the last 18 months? What you may think is normal, common sense does not prevail in these turbulent times. Whilst we are all looking for the next Caesar to build something great it turns out we are more likely to have an accident with matches like Nero (AND least he had Grade 5 violin, most of us can’t even manage that).
On that note, maybe now is the time for us to win the lottery, after all the opposite of normal is the new normal.
16/11/2016
The Human Race is doomed. For all our cleverness with smart phones and electricity etc, we are as stupid as our cars. Clever tech on the outside but underneath it all we are biological cavemen who happened to get lucky in the brain department, but only just. Take where I work for example, for some years we have been provided with 2 types of bins – one for general rubbish and one for recycling. Even on day one, with a notice over the recycling bins stating what could or couldn’t be shoved in it, people still managed to mindlessly chuck any old stuff into it. I work with the kind of people least associated with the pleb end of the scale, most have degrees for example so you’d think they would know better but as a race we are a funny bunch and intelligence, it seems, doesn’t come into it. We are all capable of convincing ourselves that ‘it either all goes into the same land fill anyway so what’s the point’ or we are too important to walk an extra few meters to get to the correct bin – with all the fitness guru’s on my floor alone you’d think the extra exercise would be welcome!
Either way it makes a mockery of those of us who have got the message to recycle. If more is recycled then our councils would save millions in landfill tax, the circular economy would thrive even more and we’d have to import less – win win in other words.
Even recycling should be seen as the last resort with less waste in the first place being the goal. Land fill is when we have given up.
Well enough ranting, I’m off to recycle our lottery numbers and let’s hope we win this thing so we can buy some solar panels and electric cars.
23/11/2016
The Winter bugs struck a bit early this year, for me anyway and with a bit of luck I’ll be back on my feet before Xmas. Just hope no one else gets it, least of all those of you in Sick Club eh? I just topped up those coffers by a no-so-cool £12 just to add to my woes.
So a lottery win would be handy to ensure my obligations are met, feel free to let me know your obligations when I pop round to infect collect £2 later.
30/11/2016
With December nearly here, Christmas shopping is well under way for most of us and it’s beginning to feel a bit Christmassy – Christmas lights are up, it’s cold and the lurgy is kicking in ready for the slowdown. The Christmas parties are now getting booked in too and the wine cellar has been stocked in readiness. Tree will be going up in a week or so’s time and then it really will feel a bit special. If we can shake off the bugs before the big day itself then great, and if alcohol helps…… Maybe that’s why we are forced to eat brussells on Christmas Day – to try and get some iron pumped back into our sleep deprived, cold/flu/sore throat/alcoholically ravaged bodies. What we need is an injection of warmer climes, a nice fat win on the Lottery should ensure we can take a week or 2 in Dubai maybe. Last one in the hot tub at the water park gets the cocktails in.
08/12/2016
A busy day yesterday so this is only just coming out now. The trouble with this time of year is that many people are venturing out on their Company’s Christmas parties/meals and all that extra lager mixed with a few gravy laden sprouts does mean the air quality on the Tube is compromised even more than usual. It’s especially bad in places such as the labyrinth that is the walk from the Victoria line to the main concourse at Kings Cross where one of my Golden rules becomes very difficult to enforce. That is, never walk directly behind another
chap. No one wants to get caught in someone else’s jet wash; it didn’t end well for Maverick and Goose, and nothing’s changed in the intervening years.
Perhaps in the event of us winning this thing we can invest in some proper face masks/respiratory equipment and ultimately avoid the uncouth masses.
14/12/2016
After a packed journey in this morning with lots of Tube issues, I endured an impromptu version of the Mannequin challenge for 15 minutes between Kings Cross and Green Park due to the amount of people hemmed into the carriage. As always there is a silver lining in the guise of new trains on the journey in. Still the old ones on the way home, but it’s a start. In some ways it’s a bit sad when you get excited by new transportation but deep down we all like new and shiny things. It’s only day three and already my fellow cattle have been busy christening the interior with their coffee stains and other detritus which despite my best efforts I failed to identify. The best way to travel is with headphones and a biological warfare suit.
Speaking of personal hygiene issues, I’d be intrigued but am in no hurry to discover, what was going through the gentleman on the 2nd floor yesterday lunchtime when he deposited a kleg nut on the floor outside the toilets. Before it could be scooped up however, someone else managed to tread in it and customise several more floor tiles before it ran out. Well done on reaching a new low which wasn’t very high to start with. Most places can expect blood on the carpets of the boardroom but what is this all about?
Let’s hope we win this thing so we can invest in our own gold plated ablutions that we do not have to share with anyone else. Ever.
21/12/2016
This morning’s load of motivational rubbish comes from Paul – lets hurry up and pick the winning numbers so we can lie on a beach earning 20%.
Says it all really, especially with all the cr*p news this week. There has been goods news this year (honest!), Tiger and Panda numbers grew this year, volunteers in India planted 50 million trees in 24 hours, many breakthroughs in medicine including a reduction in infant mortality and 6 million homes in California are now powered by solar panels. Did I mention drinking coffee has been proven to help curtail cancer and suicide rates?
Stay safe and 2017 is going to be a better year!
28/12/2016
With Christmas break Part 1 now over, a few of us are back in the Office ensuring the wheels of commerce continue to turn before resuming the festivities with Part 2. With just a few days to go, some more celebrities have managed to leave us – George Michael and Carrie Fisher. There is still 3 days to go, any celebrity waking up on Jan first will be thanking their lucky stars they got through 2016 in one piece! Talk about partying like its 1999 (see what I did there?), let’s hope that 2017 (at some point) is our year finally.
Merry Christmas.