16/01/2008

Whilst the fiscal turbulence in the markets is causing most investors to look to withdraw their cash from the funds they invest in, I am pleased to announce that we have attracted increased net inflows into the Lottery fund of £2 per week.  Another Alpha client has been added to the fold in the guise of Charles, with a bit of luck (well a shed load of luck actually) we should be able to increase our profit margins but as always we have a v. risky investment strategy.  But as they say, no pain, no gain.

I’ll be round to collect.

23/01/2008

With 14 of us now, how can we possibly fail?  Having picked up a neat tenner last week we are out of the doldrums and heading for fair winds.  Its time to raise the main sail and show Lady Luck the cut of our gibs, so with a heave ho, last one to win buys the rum.

Should she blow up a storm though we may have to whop out our anchors.  I’ll be round later to collect.

30/01/2008

The last winner of the lottery claimed he would prefer his health to the wealth – and he has got a point.

Though equally I’d like to have that choice rather than being forced to take the health option.  Help me realise my dream and you can share in it, I’ll be round later to collect

06/02/2008

In the lottery of life this is a fairly tame and safe way of making a pile of cash.  Should we win you can take a few more risks, like the guys on a skiing trip earlier this week who got their kicks by taking to the slopes on a mattress.  Unlike them, I’ve never lost a person yet – so till then I’ll be round to collect a very unexciting £2. 

13/02/2008

So who bought tickets for the Euro lottery last Friday then?  Yep, me too – and it gets you thinking about what you’d do with the money should you win (big house, several cars, new butler, jaw wired together from laughing too much, etc).

So come on, folks, lets make it happen!  I’ll be round later to collect.

20/02/2008

With Lent upon us it is time to reflect upon our lives and decide to give something up for a short period of time, so as to better ourselves and cleanse the soul.

This year I have decided to give up being poor and become filthy rich.  This is a noble cause as I’m sure you’d agree and so to help achieve it I think we should all pray to our respective Gods and hope he/they sort it.

I’ll be round later to collect £2 worth of repentance from you Sinnners.

05/03/2008

It’s that time of the week (If I may be permitted to use such a phrase), and with Spring on the way and the Sun out, positivity is in abundance – so with a smile on your face, give me £2 and watch the cash roll in……………

12/03/2008

This is it once more, the Wintry weeks are just flying by and what better tonic to blow away the last of the cold weather than a rather large win on the lottery.  We’ve had a good few £10 wins recently and a decent “make mine a Bolly’s” type win is just what the Doctor ordered.

To quote a certain Captain from Star Trek “Make it so”.

19/03/2008

We seem to be bumping along picking up tenners (and whilst that is better than a swift kick to the nadgers) clearly there is some potential not being fulfilled here.

So focus people, there is a 4 or even 5 number pay out in us – I can feel it (right Jacqui?).

I’ll be round later to collect.

26/03/2008

The weeks roll by but looking on the bright side, the evenings are getting lighter and soon the weather will follow.

So with gladden hearts and good cheer, let’s put a spring in our pens and make it a week to remember.

01/04/2008

I’ll be round today to collect early today as I’m at DR tomorrow so smoke me a kipper I’ll be round for breakfast (in an after lunch type sort of way).

23/04/2008

So St George’s Day is upon us again, a chance to ride into financial battle and slay the fiscal dragon, and still make it home in time for tea and fair maidens.  With a side of cake and Ferraris.

All those that say “Aye!” put £2 in the pot and stab the appropriate 6 numbers.  You know it makes sense.

21/05/2008

I’m back, but a big thankyou to Patrick for the last 2 weeks – a storming performance.

With Yachts becoming so last year amongst the super rich, they are now turning their attention to personal submarines with excellent viewing of the Oceans deep, just thought I’d mention it as I wouldn’t want us to all pile into that place next to 63 ordering various sea going vehicles only to find we are instantly laughed at by the other millionaires.  Imagine the shame of it. 

28/05/2008

“Do you expect me to talk?”

“No, Mr Bond, I expect you to pay up £2!”

So begins the new Bond movie “Quantum of Solice” where our hero is strapped to a table about to get a rather close “Brazilian” from a laser beam.  But for your chance to get your hands on your very own Aston Martin, pay up when I come round.  Or I’ll tell M.

And if you get it wrong on the numbers, it’ll be the Corgi model too.  You have been warned – this email will self-destruct in 30 seconds.

30/05/2008

OK, here we go again……..but wait.  What’s this?  £12 million roll over, tonight, and me – the 2nd Earl of Lotto?

Hmmn and we have £100 in notes in the kitty, should we blow the lot on going for it or not?  You decide, voting buttons supplied above.

04/06/2008

Is there life on Mars?  With the new NASA lander safely in place maybe we’ll find out soon enough.

But now is the time for us to find out if there is life in the lottery, time to extend our scoops and test for the 6 numbers of life.  So are we ready to go a-roving too or be just a fart into the solar wind?

You decide, I’ll be round later to collect.

11/06/2008

Our high risk strategy is starting to look better and better given the doom and gloom in the housing and stock markets.

That said its no breeze, our £100 investment has yielded £10; so a tough, unflinching attitude is required to get the results we need.  Stand up and be counted (well sit down and write down 6 numbers at any rate).  We can do it, failure is not an option and the yield will be instant and life changing.

You know it makes sense.  I’ll be round later.

18/06/2008

Well who’d have thought it, the football is nearly half way through and guess what – no one gives monkeys!  It’s a national disgrace and massive humiliation that we failed to qualify, the question has to be said, will we see England triumph in a major football tournament in our life time?

Well maybe I have a cunning plan, it involves 6 numbers and an Abramovich-like attitude to the beautiful game – pick the right ones so we can at least argue the toss over several bottles of Champagne and canapés.

25/06/2008

With the sun shining and our glad eyes calibrated to take in the wonders of the female commuters (or males in the case of Jacqui and Allison, right?) spotting those winning 6 numbers may prove elusive.  So take time out to think of football or motor racing for at least a few minutes before putting pen to paper – once complete you can switch back to “hormonal mode” (again not what you’re thinking Ms Welshes) safe in the knowledge of a job well done.

02/07/2008

With Summer’s arrival yesterday briefly before rain comes once again to save us having to water the garden, perhaps times are changing for us.  With last weeks no show on the cash front, this week is going to be different – I’ll be round later to collect.

09/07/2008

OK folks, lets lift the mood caused by the weather by winning this thing.

I’ll be round later to collect.

16/07/2008

With a certain “newness” in the air – new offices, new day, new Sun putting a stride into our steps, perhaps it’s time for new money and a new bank account in the South of France.

New numbers or keep the faith with your old ones – lucky dip or new strategy, the choice is yours but either way a big win would be a new experience for us.  Make it happen.

23/07/2008

You have to be in it to win it was once the rallying cry of the Lottery enthusiast, however this phrase doesn’t always ring true.  During a previous lifetime I was seeing this rather lovely girl, initially unknown to my girlfriend at the time.  Once the initial period was over I discovered that being init on a regular basis actually lost me the girlfriend.

I’m just waiting for the phrase “All you need is 6 at once to win”, though that could prove expensive.

Still being faithful to the current mistress, Lady Luck, we hope that fidelity will pay out in the end – just like real life relationships, it’s all take take take……….

I’ll be round later to collect.

30/07/2008

Ok this is it – that’s right summer is here at last.  Hot sticky nights; long, warm evenings; and if you work in IMT, lazy days thinking up digs to pop at IDT members……….

Still you have to laugh, beneath it all we are all one big family, easy to identify who’s the big sisters, the cheeky younger brother, the charcoal-grey sheep (sorry Patrick), etc fighting and squabbling, yet when it comes down to it happy to pull together for one common cause – well let me help you, my fellow siblings, by popping round later to collect cash in return for 6 numbers.

If we win, just don’t ask me to go on a family holiday with you lot.

06/08/2008

With the Bejing Olympics about to start we can be forgiven for thinking hopeful thoughts on how many medals we are likely to get this time (i.e some).  We, however, are only interested in one medal – Gold.  Hitting the jackpot will propel us to the top of the medal leader board of life, and with the funding we have put into our “training” over the past years we should be in good shape to do this.

So no excuses, focus, concentrate – see those 6 numbers in your head.  I’ll be round later to collect them.

27/08/2008

Big thankyou to Patrick for his efforts over the last 2 weeks.  And having topped the medals table with a £10 win it is time to hand over back to me, to once again carry the torch on our behalf into the financial darkness in search of more Gold and glory.

All those with me say “Here’s my 2 quid!”.  Aye.

03/09/2008

In these troubled times of looming recession, growing inflation and job losses we need to take stock and realise none of us has a solar ring piece and if it comes to crunch time we’ll all be engaging in a first-against-the-wall avoidance scheme.

However I have a cunning plan to take the worries form our shoulders and it involves the same routine we have been following since records began – you know what I’m talking about – I’ll be round to collect and this time we’ll all collect.

10/09/2008

Still here?  No blackhole appeared yet (other than in our finances)?  Want a chance to find the elusive particle known as the pound sign?

Well that would have to be a result worth celebrating, how about 6 numbers and a chance to blow your bank balance into orbit.

17/09/2008

With many financial institutions looking with in trepidation at their balance sheets, hoping to be able to weather the turbulent storm on the stock markets you’ll be pleased to now that I won’t be requesting a writs issue or any such nonsense as we are riding high with some £100 odd quid in the tin, ready to take advantage of the markets.

It has been suggested that perhaps an alternative to “blowing” it all on the Euro Millions as we normally do and perhaps a punt down at the bookies could be the way forward.  This doesn’t have to be horses, could be football or anything that we have at least some knowledge on and could actually make money on.

I’m open to suggestions and the best ones will be put to the vote.

I wonder if diversifying the Office Lottery Fund will qualify me for one of them videos they make on the V:\ drive for investors?

24/09/2008

Now is the Autumn of our discontent, but how about making it Summer again by parting with a couple of quid in return for rich pickings in the form of lottery cash? 

Then again with £110 in the pot, we could also really go for it in the form of blowing it on the Euro Millions (£100 million that can’t be rolled over to be won)?  Voting buttons are supplied above for you to let me know.

08/10/2008

Credit crunch?  Pah! 

That’s for losers (literally), there is nothing as macho as us guys fearlessly chucking away our £2 stake each week in the hope of getting covered in glory (read into that whatever you like).  I’ll be round later to collect, the money that is, not the testosterone.

15/10/2008

After a splendid VMware seminar last night spread over several courses and alcoholic drinks at Claridges (that would be the good karma), things began to balance out on the journey home when the train out of Kings Cross ended its journey several 10’s of miles prematurely, to be swapped by what was optimistically called a “Rail Replacement Bus”.   Hmmmn, anything replaced by a bus has got bad news written all over it.  Remembering Churchill’s words “Let us therefore brace ourselves”, I boarded the bus.  I can tell you Ladies and Gentlemen, what it is like to be dead.  It’s basically wisping aimlessly about in a diesel fog at the mercy of growing nausea – I began to regret eating the crackling on the pork belly earlier.  Needless to say when I crashed through the door at 2am it was just in time to get involved with Nippers next bottle……. 

So there you have it, in order to invoke good karma again, go and walk into a door or something – or have me pop round to vom on your shoes.  We’ll be bound to win then.

22/10/2008

We are living through interesting times, the fiscal yo-yo continues in the run up to Christmas, but the good ship lottery pluckily ploughs its way through the maelstrom to take us to the promised land where the streets are paved with gold etc.

We just have to paddle our way through 6 numbers to get there, see you on the beach.

29/10/2008

With all the controversy over a certain radio show, I’m going to have to watch what I say to avoid a call from OFCOM, or even worse, Gordon Brown.

So just for the record I haven’t made romantic explosions with any lottery members grand-daughters, daughters or other female relatives.  However for a right Royal sh*fting courtesy of Camelot, just cough up £2 in my direction when I pass by later today.

12/11/2008

After a one week break (you slackers) I’m back.  I’ll be round later to collect so we can beat credit-crunch-Britain.

This is our time, you know it.

19/11/2008

So the sun shines down on the climate of fear pervading the office, the doom and gloom may continue for some time so it’s up to us to take matters into our own hands by winning this lottery thing once and for all. 

I’ll be round to collect later.

26/11/2008

So we are approaching the season to be jolly.  We might as well approach with pockets loaded with cash, ready to fulfil our cash-rich desires (I could do with a new chaise-lounge in the main drawing room).

So with that in mind, lets pick the winning 6 numbers for once.

03/12/2008

We are getting closer to Xmas and with Jack Frost doing his best to slow our journeys to and from work, and the credit crunch doing its best to curtail the number of presents we are likely to get this year, let me offer a glimmer of hope – a shaft of sunlight to gilt edge the cloud of doom and gloom. 

“All” you have to do is match up 6 numbers with the ones that come out of the machine on Wednesday and Saturday.  Someone’s got to win it and I can think of no other more deserving people than me us. 

I’ll be round later to collect.

10/12/2008

New floor, new dawn – I always thought the ground floor had a certain anti-feung sh-way about it and somehow that has held us back all these years.  Dark, cramped and with only one advantage – quick and easy to leave the building.

But now is the time to take advantage of the new optimism from the second floor people, and maybe a sprinkling of Christmas cheer thrown in (why not, all positives are welcome).  I look forward to being greeted later by those smiling faces of yours.

17/12/2008

So the last week before Christmas, the next 2 weeks we are going to be thin on the ground so I have added a few options for you to vote on as regards how much cash we put in, so click away.

Let’s make sure we have an enormous chocolate yuletide log, as oppose the variety that Lady Luck deposits on our heads.  Good luck everybody.